i was married then to my, now ex, husband. i was in school full time and working, interning and studying every other free minute.

my ex was not working at the time i found out i was pregnant. he hadn’t worked in months. he was content to allow me to support him while he continuously lied about trying to find work. he spent days sometimes on the couch, drinking and watching television. our relationship was horrible at that point and though he said he would support any decision i made, i could not trust that he wouldn’t leave me alone to fend for myself and our baby.

i made the decision to abort. it was hardly a decision i mulled over in my mind. i knew i wanted to end the pregnancy as soon as i found out. the problem was that i was 14 weeks along already. this made it necessary for me to get an even more expensive procedure than i would have had to get if i was at the beginning of my pregnancy. we didn’t even have enough money to cover a less expensive procedure anyway.

we ended up borrowing the money from his mom. fortunately she was understanding of my choice. she didn’t want me to get an abortion, but she supported my decision anyway. i can’t imagine what would have happened if she wasn’t pro-choice. i would have never gotten help from any of my family if i had asked. they don’t even know about what happened. if his mother held the same view of abortion as my own mother, i’d be a single mother right now. i would likely be completely destitute as well.

as i type this, a college graduate without children, i know i wouldn’t have earned the same accomplishments if i had kept the baby. if i stayed in school, i would probably still be there. it took me 6 years to graduate, a baby could have easily turned that time frame into 8-10 years. i would not have been able to take the valuable field courses i took in costa rica and the galapagos islands. i would never have met the sweet and amazing man i have been dating for 2 years. i would very likely be dependent on many government assistance programs. my ex and i would not have lasted, and he has a history of dodging child support payments and running away from his responsibilities as a father.

motherhood is not for me. it is not something i desire or romanticize in any way. even in the sexually “moral” context that the religious anti-choicers approve of (i.e. i was married, not an unwedded “slut” looking to “satisfy my out-of-control libido without consequence”) i still made the choice to end a pregnancy because i knew it was the right choice. no child deserves to live a life of poverty, in an already broken home, with a father who is prone to abandonment. no woman deserves that life to be forced on her.