when my son was 18 months old, we decided to try for a sibling. my first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. i quickly became pregnant again, and once we passed through the first trimester, i breathed a sigh of relief.

i was safe, right? we eagerly awaited the 20-week ultrasound when we’d find out if our son will have a little brother or sister. we went to a radiology office and the technician was chatty and told us we were going to have a boy. she suggested we head back to our doctor’s office and we thought nothing of it. upon arriving, my doctor told us how sorry she was. i had no idea what she was talking about. and then she told us that our son’s brain wasn’t measuring well. we went for a second opinion that confirmed that the brain was not developing normally. we went for a third opinion, which included an mri, and was given the prognosis that if our son survived to term, he would have the developmental quality of life of a two-month-old.

we chose to terminate the pregnancy and spare him pain. i was 21-weeks. i became pregnant again the same month he was due, and 19 weeks later, we received the same diagnosis, this time for a daughter. for a second time, we said an early goodbye. my husband and i have a recessive gene that we contributed to both of these pregnancies that resulted in major brain malformations. we cannot test for this gene, as it is unknown. the soonest we have a sense of whether this gene is present is at 18 weeks gestation, when we can do an mri. i am blessed that i have gone on to have two healthy children. they would not be here if i was unable to have an abortion.